I am so-called mixed race and I can relate to both of your points of view. My mother is Black African-Guyanese and my father is Welsh-Celtic-'white'. In my case my parents truly married out of love and not out of any distorted desire to be with a lighter-skinned/darker-skinned mate, how do I know this? Cos far from wanting a white mate my mother absolutely despised all white people until she met my dad. Cos nothing other than true love could have kept them together from 1969 up to now, if their relationship had been based on any racial brainwashing or kinky fetish, it would have collapsed right at the beginning, in London England in 1969, when no one would rent a room to them, white landlords wouldn't rent cos they were racist ****s, Black landlords wouldn't rent because they were afraid the National Front would firebomb their building if they knew a mixed couple was living there. Or it would have collapsed in Guyana when we moved there when the first thing that happened to my dad was he got choke-and-robbed (only natural and to be expected, no one could know that he was a poor man too, and anyway he was only poor by British standards, by Guyanese standards he was well off so the African and East Indian youths who robbed him certainly cannot be blamed for that). Anyway the relationship lasted through all these and other obstacles so I know it is based on real love, which transcends every man-made rule. However I also know that this is exceptional in cases of mixed-race couples, and I am with Ras Marcus as far as saying that it is not progressive to encourage Black people to marry outside the race. I disagree with him slightly because I don't see it as an absolute, I could envisage a point in time when it would not matter one whit who you married, that is the point in time when white supremacy has been utterly annihilated and everyone sees everyone else as nothing but human beings. But that point in time is very far away and right now when Black people are under constant siege and attack both physically and psychologically, the best thing to do is to stick with each other and strengthen each other to fight this war that we are in, that we did not ask for, but we're in it.
I personally, while I have several close friends who are white women, I have never been in a relationship with a white woman and certainly do not intend to, anyway sisters are the most beautiful women on earth IMHO, so I have no problem at all sticking with them.
As far as growing up 'mixed', let me tell you it was no problem at all in Guyana as I remember, I don't remember race being any issue among us youths, despite the intense conflict between African and East Indian that raged in the adult world. Since there are few white people in Guyana that is the conflict more than Black vs. white (although white supremacy was the driving force behind that conflict as it pitted us two dark-skinned peoples against one another). Maybe if I'd been dougla (African/Indian) I would have had more of a problem. Anyway in GT I was never made to feel separate, weird or different from anyone else. And unlike when they were in England, my parents never faced anything more than the occasional comment like "eh-eh, look white man and black woman in de same car!" etc., which is a far cry from having to live in your grandmother's basement cos no one will rent you a room.
It was when I moved to a predominantly white environment that I really felt the racism, which was more about me being Black than about me being mixed-race. As Oshun-Auset pointed out in a post on the other board one time, it's more Black people who care about different skin shades and so on, to racist whites we are all n***ers whether we look like Colin Powell or Clarence Thomas (I picked those two house n***ers as examples cos no matter how fervently they lick these white people's buttocks, they are still looked upon as n***ers and always will be). Anyway as traumatic as it was I am glad for that experience growing up cos it made me see very clearly which side of the fence I was on and helped eliminate any confusion as to my identity as a Black man. Simply put, Black people have accepted and welcomed me, white people (with some exceptions) have not, at least not when I make it clear I'm not going to kiss their butt, so I claim Black, not 'neither-black-nor-white' or 'dual-heritage' or whatever.
This does not mean I am in any way ashamed of my Welsh heritage, as far as I know most of my welsh ancestors were hard-working struggling decent people who had their own battle to fight against the english, however the plight of the welsh today could hardly be considered dire when compared to the plight of the African so I know where my energies must be directed. I haven't done nearly enough for the struggle but I can take comfort in the fact that I have done something, am doing something, and will do more.
Last point, I see this as a universal struggle like Anthony B. sings, the downpressed against the downpressor, I fit into that struggle as a son of Mama Africa so Africans must be my priority, but I would work in solidarity with anyone of any color who is trying to stop white supremacy/capitalism/ecocide.