Africa Speaks Reasoning Forum

For a long time I denied living under any illusion of a fairy tale romance. In fact even as a child I scoffed at the idea of a prince charming riding in on a white horse ( I knew this didn’t happen) and opted instead to read the tales of Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester, Catherine and Heathcliff and Juliet and her lover.  I knew  men didn’t ride horses and battle each other for my affections but for some reason I felt that these were real stories of love, not make believe and I craved the undying, healing love of a strong male figure that would sweep me off my feet and take care of me forever. I learned that I had to save myself for this man, be pure and delicate and oh so feminine. I was a little black girl, idolizing the beautiful, long haired, blue eyed women and the men who loved them. Then adolescence hit and with it the realization that I was no delicate flower, my body and skin didn’t resemble what was written in those pages – I was no leading lady. This brought with it a sadness and disgust for myself that lasted well into my adult years and affected every relationship I had ever had.  So at the age of 21 or 22, I gave up the wait for my leading man (I mean who would love me?) I gave up my purity to a Mr. Right Now and I gave up on love, telling myself that I wouldn’t let no man control me.  Now I was just another angry female, hating every man who didn’t make me feel like Jane Eyre, secretly wondering why sex didn’t secure love and why romance seemed elusive. This lasted for awhile and on some days to some extent I still crave the classic fairy tale, but with experience and knowledge I’m beginning to see things differently. I’m slowly (oh so slowly) beginning to open up to the Goddess and the greatness in ME.   I still value the relationship between a man and a woman and it is my ultimate goal to successfully achieve that balance but now I know that the Bronte sisters and Shakespeare didn’t write for me, their version of love could never truly account for all the experiences of love that are possible when people treat each other and themselves right. I make no attempt to offer any opinion on love, sex and romance, other than to say until I learn to love myself, romance myself and appreciate my sex and my body, any union with any man will be nothing more than a fairy tale.

Beautifully written!

What's interesting in that piece is the many sub-texts in it all of which contribute to the standard "social script" of how relationships are supposed to be. A script that urgently needs deconstructing before it messes up more people who would have otherwise lead very healthy lives minus the conflict and guilt that is inherent in that script.