The Only History a Man Knows is His Own

Hello All! Jah! So mighty is the Creator. The love of God brings me so very far. I've decided to share a little about myself and my spiritual journey through life. As I've stated in the title truly the only history a man knows is his own. For you may read of other's lives and you may know some other people. But the truth lies between you and God alone, so the only history you know is your own. God knows all. So I begin with my story.

Part one The Beginning

I was born and raised in a middle class family in Massachusetts. My father makes a good amount of money as a business consultant. My mother is a third grade teacher at the local elementary school. My parents love me very much. I love them. I first smoked marijuana when I was 13. In the 7th grade I was turned onto the drug by our very own DARE program (Drug Awareness and Resistance Education.) My eyes were opened. I had a rather paranoid crazy experience, but as I lay in my bed that night my mind was racing like never before. I got caught with pot like 4 times I think. The first time I cried. The last time I fought. I was in the 10th grade, 16 years old. I told my mother (my father wasnt home) that I enjoyed smoking and I felt it was a healing drug. I told her the whole truth leaving nothing out, about how we snuck out of our house at night and played music in the woods with drums and guitars and saxophones. We called this activity Midnite Trips. She wanted none of it. My parents had always been against the drug and her chance did not change. She cried and cried but still I stood defiant defending the herb as my personal healer. I was grounded and spent time alone with my mother explaining for hours about my thoughts but she didnt seem to hear me. I dismissed her and it made her sad. I took leave of smoking for the sake of my worried mother. I became mad at my father for not reasoning with my mother. I felt no one heard my side and I was at a loss.

At this point in my life I enter into depression. All I wanted to do was love and be loved, though I can't say I knew this at this time. I'd been in a Band since the 6th grade, my bandmate was the first kid I smoked pot with and we wrote all of our songs together. The year before I was caught he had moved to North Carolina and I felt spiritually alone. We shared a sort of spirituality when we wrote and played our music. Any way I'm depressed. School. God damn School! I thought where in the world is there a place for me? I dont want to learn these teachings. I dont like the way social interaction takes place in this school. I dont particularly like getting drunk. It makes me stupid. I dont want to get high because it makes me paranoid cause all I think of is my worried mother. All my friends are always smoking so I feel distanced. I graduate in 2008 and have decided to not go to college just yet. I need some time and the last thing I need is brainwash education. By this time I've found Bob Marley and am diving into it.

My musical history is as follows. Nirvana was my first love, our own music became my next love, influenced a little by led zeppelin along with Nirvana. Then after my good friend left I became absorbed into the Grateful Dead and The Dead led me To Marley and Reggae music is where I still find my Healing Today.

I work full time all summer and into the fall. I make $3000 and my friend makes $2500 and we hit the road destination unknown. We want to visit friends and family, but basically just travel and be free. We visit New York City, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, Hartford Connecticut, Boone North Carolina, A Christian Community in Georgia working on a Pecan Farm, We camp all through south Carolina, Jekyll Island Georgia, My Grandparents in Florida, Tampa Florida, And the Everglades. These are just some of the Highlights. I pick up a Bible for the first time on this trip but its a little mysterious for me. The trip essentially depresses me. After seeing the whole east coast I have seen so much development. So much Mindless obedience, and my rebel heart beats with a sadness that consumes my soul. I have seen the enemy at work throughout the whole east coast. At this point my mind is not trained to see God's work, and the Truth of Babylon living is so Hellish it can really bring pain into life. My only experience with the Herb on this trip I am high for two weeks straight, but am a paranoid sad mess. Ah its my story so bare with me.

I return home and my depression is hard, it effects my social life, and I feel as if I'm bringing all my friends down. But in my moments of despair I am shone The Light.

Part 2 JAH!!!

So I decide I need to face to the herb. I am disgusted with myself when I get high with my friends and hold back all my thoughts and emotions because they are so evil. I judge. On the Flip side I find myself holding back all my good thoughts too. It's the evil that I see that depresses me but I am becoming part of it myself. Now prior to this decision I had recently downloaded 460 Bob Marley Songs, A similar number of Peter Tosh songs and had immersed myself in the Teachings of Rastafari. I began reading "Chanting Down Babylon." I Smoke in the morning and I smoke all day for a week straight. My dad works far away, and my mother gets home at 5 at which time I am allready out usually playing soccer with some kids. I bath in the early morning sun, I do yoga, I listen to Count Ossie, I listen to Ravi Shankar (indian classical Sitar music) I listen to the Rastafari Elders, I go swimming. Most importantly I fight the beast inside me. I fight my tendencies to Judge, and to feel ashamed. I fight my hardest to remove the evil thoughts inside me and to enjoy life. Lo and behold Jah comes to me.

It happened just like this I wake up one morning feeling good clean and ready for the day. I read Baba Ras Marcus's teachings (this is what I have been reading all week. Thank you so kindly Baba Ras Marcus.) I head down to the basement and pack up a big ole' bowl and surprise myself when i smoke the whole thing to my head. I am filled with joy and happiness and I dance my way upstairs. As I open the door to my kitchen I am greeted by beauty. Outside my window the sun is shining oh so brightly and my focus falls onto this beautiful blooming bush. The Flowers are as big as my outstretched hand and a beautiful pink purple. I am taken aback by how beautiful this bush is. Not only the bush but the trees the grass, and so important is the sunlight. I admire. All of a sudden I have a revelation. Its the kind that comes in an instant but takes many words to really explain. Words are so weak when it comes to Jah work but I will explain as best as I am able.

I look at the bush and I see Jah. I n I. I see the beauty and I recognize that Jah is what makes that bush so beautiful. Jah is creativity, and like no living thing is the same this bush is like no other. It is its own beautiful creation. Now with I n I I see that Jah That creates such a beautiful thing as this bush created me too, and he is in me as he is in the bush, and I am in the bush as the bush is in me, and we are beautiful. This is indeed a revelation for me, for I no longer feel alone. I feel as if the beauty of the world is all mine, as it is all God's. It is his gift to me as it is his gift to you. Jah Jah loves to be admired, and in my admiration of him he fills me with a joy that I have never felt before. I rejoice in the presence of the Lord.

As a young child I recognized that I have many gifts. I have a beautiful voice, I have a strong will, I have the gift of prophesy, and in the light of Jah I accept these gifts and present them to his Glory alone. That summer of 2009 was one of the greatest of my life. For once I found Jah, I never took my eyes off, for he lifted me out of a depression. Truth made me said, now Truth makes me happy. Not that there aren't sad truths for there are plenty in Babylon, but the Truth of Jah is so good. I feel as if a Jungle Warrior. I spend the whole summer worshiping the Glory of Jah, but still only get high now and again. I enjoy smoking, but I have absolutely no money. At this point in time I owe my father roughly $3000 for car insurance health insurance and rent to stay at my home. I say I will not be a slave! I need this time to worship and believe that Jah has a plan for me, because I n I am strong and able, but I neeeed this time for me and Jah. My parents in my desperation cut me some slack. In my coming to Light I right this song that I will write for you now, The chorus I wrote before I found the light, and the rest I recorded in West Virginia as I was freestyling and I later wrote it out.

Chorus:
I feel the Blood Pumping Through my Veins
And inside I can never be the same
Try n' hide but they get you either way
So I lie and dive deep beneath the fray
where I'm bound to find me a fresh start
And I'm gunna work it till I feel it in the Heart
Till my brains full of fluid in Flow
And the words start to come dont you know :End Chorus

They say you got to love one and all
dont you know not to fall
If all you do is all you are
you gotta be strong so strong
yah and love what you got
Cause if you dont your love will rot
and if you let it rot all of your thoughts will be
Domination

Chorus

So here we are now
Singin our songs proud
Cause what I got is a gift from God
Like we all got if you look hard
If you look then you shall find
What you are is what you hide inside

And yes i know this is true,
and if you listen to me I will listen to you
and we can all get along
and proudly sing mother natures song
cause it is strong and it is just
and if you try you must
get along and you must trust
in what we are which is dust

and I feel the Blood pumpin' through my veins,
and inside I can never be the same,
try n' hide but they get you either way
so I lie and dive deep beneath the fray,
and look I found me a new start
and now Im singing from the heart,
so dont you depart
for this love keeps coming.

End song

There Is much more to this story I left a lot out of course, but I hope to post again later, there is so much more of the story now that I've Found God! Soul Warriors are we who fight for Jah! what starts so near brings so far. lift your hands and give of your heart, and love love love all creation, for no two leaves on the tree are the same. And no two human minds are the same, so learn from your brother man, as we all lift our heads and stand. for we who fight for All Creation, must be strong.

Jah Bless!